Thursday, 31 December 2009

The court of the Chrimism King

Christmas morning we woke I started making pancakes for 10. It felt good. Eggs, scrambles, sunny side up, pooched, pancakes, plain and candy cane flavor. I felt more like a short order cook than a blues musician. I felt there was a lot of love going on in my house, more so than I had in a very long time.

Girls wanted to open presents, I wanted to wait until after church. JuJu Bee scold me for torchering my children and they all ganged up against me to open one each.

Mercy and Charisma opened a Barbie each. Solace and Freedom opened up a CD each. Chumbawamba and Mariah Carey. They had me open one too. A Bob Dylan album I never saw before, Time out of Mind. Music all around. I put it in while we all got dressed. Bob was sounding more like an old blues man but not quit there yet.

Oh, dressing for church was a spectacular to behold. Mizty was telling each of the girls they could not look like their club slut selves but like a good church going woman and if they couldn't pull that off they needed to dress like a man.

Walking into to church, slightly late as to make the perfect entrance, was something I wish I had my camera for. Eric and Mizty went in first. Mizty in modest heals and a light blue tasteful tweed dress with fox trim on her stole.

The next two dressed as men, with pencilled in thicker brows and thin mustaches.

Next was JuJu Bee, in red. A respectable red dress, but red none the less. with each of my youngest daughters in hand. Now where the whole congregation was skeptical of the sexes of most of the people before, most the men where looking like they were going to pop a button when JuJu came down. They definitely could not tell. I must explain to her that bras are a must for church.

Next my older two daughters followed by me, trying hard not to laugh.

Don't you know that Mizty insisted on sitting near the front. We all sat piece by piece to fit in towards the front. Eric and Mizty in one pew, and so forth back until I covered the rear.

The whole place was silent, including the preacher as we walked in and sat down. At first I don't know if it was the fact Mizty was black or if it was that she was a he that threw them off more. There are no people of colour in my little town. The combination was priceless.

The preacher finally spoke: "Christmas is a time of friends, family, neighbors coming together and worshiping as one. It is a time for loving thy neighbor as they self. It is a time of charity and good will to all humankind. It is un-Jesus like to judge others on his birthday. It is a time of bringing new friends to celebrate his birth to church as Emma has, as Nancy has, and as Alice has done." He waved his hand to each of the woman he was talking about, as I was not the only one bringing people to church today, he nicely pointed it out. " So I say, welcome new friends, lets worship the lord together."

"AMEN, PREACHER" Mizty said as if we were in a Southern Baptist church.

I did giggle a little then into my hand. Tom looked back at me and smiled. I think I have found someone in this town who has a sense of humor.

The rest of the mass went like that. A little Southern Baptist from Mizty, a little jazzing up the tunes from all of the girls. They encouraged my girls to sing the same way, and they did. You know I had to follow suit.

Finally Preacher gave up and asked me to sing a bit with his guitar. Guess who were my back up singers. It seems no-one else wanted to join in. But I think the preacher was having his own good time with it, for what ever reason, maybe he wanted to get back at the nasty women there or he just liked a little pizazz in his music today.

Afterwards, of course , my friends needed to join the precision of well wishers and greeters to the preacher. The men were drooling even more over JuJu Bee. Oh her breasts are real because of the hormones but so is his manly bits. But they couldn't see that. She even got invited out to Christmas dinner by some of the more bolder bachelors in town. One of the boys who dresses like a girl dressed as guy came over and let them all know she was taken.

Tom came up and wished us Merry Christmas and referred to all the queens as ladies, even the ones dressed as men.

"Does he remind you of anyone?" Eric said.

"Just like all the other farmers." JuJu said.

"Let's get home, girls, I want to eat and open presents!"

We laughed all the way home at the reaction in church.

Home. We started on dinner and sang songs of the seasons, opened more presents, laughed and drank some more. I got some nice sexy dresses. The girls some nice toys and music. Freedom even got her own disc-man so she can have her private music.

They were so generous to us.

I was so sad when they left that night.

The ghosts of laughter lingered and kept me warm through New Years Day.

My house that was filled with joy and love seemed so lonely all of a sudden.


The Silver Fox said...

Well, I wondered whether the "girls" would dress as men or women. So the answer was "yes."

Ishat's Fire and Ice said...

Well, you know, everyone is different.

Not to mention there is no way to hide jujuBee's boobies. Not effectively. Easier to hide is wang.