Ugly p 26

lepidopterist
Noun
a person who studies or collects moths and butterflies.

I hop up the stairs. All happy and all. Kim, his name is Kim.

I open the door, the cloud of smoke comes out to choke me. I cough. I look inside, and see the most horrible sight.

"What is that!" I scream as I point to the frame on the wall.

"My mother sent it, she thought the baby would like it." Miles said with a smile.

"Why, the hell would I like it! Or Freedom for that matter! It is horrid!" I replied.

"She is a lepidopterist, she collects butterflies. I think they are beautiful.She really respects their beauty. I thought you would get that?"

"And than she puts a pin through them, she is sick! Why would I like that?"

"Hey I pinned you! You seemed to like it." He said with a smile and a slap to my ass.

I shuttered and went to see Freedom.

He was over her in her crib blowing pot smoke in her face.

"What the fuck are you doing?! You are not suppose to be in here! This is a pot free zone! You know that!" I look at him with daggers in my eyes. I go to grab Freedom.

"I wasn't hurtin' her. She was crying. We got her to stop, she's happy now. You know you can be such a bitch some times Dani, loosen up." Davey replied as if I caught him taking a cookie, not getting my daughter high.

Before I could reply I I noticed the baby bottle not filled with my milk but beer.
"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"You know you shouldn't yell around the baby like that, you really are not the best mother."

I take the bottle, not the baby. I get in Davey's face, I had to stand on tip toes. "HOW MUCH DID YOU GIVE HER! How much asshole? Do I need to take her to the hospital?"

HE takes me by the shoulders and pushes me onto the bed. "I said calm down, bitch. You know you really are an irrational little girl, not the type to be able to care for a baby, running around all night, leaving her alone. You are not taking her anywhere. They will just take her away from an unfit mother like you if you do."

With that Davey left to go join Miles in the living room. Laughing all the way. I could hear him say "Man you got to put a leash on that bitch of yours, and a muzzle, too. I don't know how you stand it."

I looked at the bottle, it was only about an eighth drunken. I think she will be o.k. I opened the window. Got her a bottle of milk from the fridge. I hoped it would dealt the alcohol and pot. I went back in the kitchen, found myself a great big old knife. I will show him 'irrational bitch'.

I ran into the living room knife in one hand, beer baby bottle in the other.
"Miles, dear, did you have anything to do with this, or do I just kill Davey?"

"She's crazy man!" Dave said as he moved away from me into a corner.

"That's right, funny man, if I am going to be a crazy bitch, I will eat your heart while I am doing it. You know it is a Voodoo thing, I learned about that from the blues man who taught me to play guitar." I said moving closer to the weaving Davey trying to find a way around me without getting cut.

Miles is laughing his butt off on the couch while I am ready to cut his best pot head friend.

Dave pushes by me and runs to the door. I follow. "Don't you ever come back, or your heart is mine!" I yelled after him.

Miles is now behind me. "That was fuckin' great, babe, he bought it hook line and sinker. You will have to do something else crazy next week to freak him out." He's still laughing.



"You too." I say very plainly.

"what, babe? Oh you are just riled up, why don't you calm down and make us something to eat. You will feel better." He is still smiling. He thinks it's a joke, he thinks I am a joke, he doesn't even think of Freedom. She is nothing but something for him to get high and laugh at.

"G-E-T O-U-T!"

He stops laughing. Now we are reversed. He is in front of the open door. I am near the wall. I put down the baby bottle full of beer.

"Get ouuuuuuuuuuch." He threw me up against the wall. His normally calm face is in mine now.

"You know I will take the baby away from you. You are nuts. Me and my mother . Against an unstable 16 year old girl. What judge wouldn't choose us. You have over stepped your bounds here, why don't you calm down. I will go get the brat and we will sit and watch t.v.." He let me down and to a step towards the baby's room.

"NOT MY DAUGHTER!" heard the familiar voice come from the open door. Next thing I knew Miles flew backwards down the 4 stairs to the landing and against the wall. I was in the door way. Oldest father.

I heard Eric and the boys down stairs "Butterfly, are you o.k.?"

"You got lucky, Dani. You were lucky to have me!" Miles screamed.

"NO, You got lucky and your luck just ran out!"

"She's mine. I will change her name. You'll never see her again and you will never even know her name. You are so fucked, bitch!" he snarled with a grin on his face.

I was calm and smiling. "I don't think so, you see Granny gave me only one gift. Don't you remember that paper you and your mom signed when I was pregnant?" I gave him a moment "You remember before I got sent away... The one where you both signed away any rights to MY daughter? And don't even think about braking into the apartment to find it. It's not here. "

I tuned and grabed the butterflies pinned in a frame and threw it at him.It cut him on the forehead. Blood dropping down. "Give your mother my regards."

I was about to slam the door when he said "But I'm the FATHER!? I have rights!"

"I don't know what you are, but you are no father. Luke, have fun beating him."

I slammed the door, but looked out the peep hole to see how badly Luke would hit Miles.

The though came to me, I am alone. I am truly alone. As I put my back to the door. A knock.

I turned and opened the door, "Daddy!"

There stood Eric and the boys, some of the boys were escorting Miles out. Listening to gay men showering threats at Miles was mildly amusing.

"Daddy, honey I ain't your Daddy and I never will be any woman's. Are you o.k?! And who is Luke?" Eric said very hurriedly.

"Luke, he's the older guy who pulled Miles off me. Where did he go?"

" Luke, Kim, all these imaginary men, girl I wish I had your imagination. How hard did he hit you, has he been hitting you in the head this week?" Eric said as he came in.

"No he only shoved me against the wall today. Really, the older guy? Please?" Now I am worried why I am seeing people who are not there.

Eric asked what happened. I explained, he rushed into see Freedom. He got some water to give to her. He convinced me to take her to the ER, though I feared someone would take her away.

At at ER waiting room I asked "Eric, why were you at my house tonight?"

"You were so out of it tonight, I just wanted to make sure you got him alright. Looks like you know how to take care of business. I didn't think you kick like that. When I said you should kick him out, I didn't mean literally. Ha ha." Eric kept the puns up for a while.

"Hey, Butterfly girl, I am glad you finally came to your senses I can finally tell Sandra and Carol it is o.k. to come visit again."

"Yeah, you cannnnn. " I stopped in my tracks "What do you mean? How do you know them?" Now I was studding him closely.

"Honey, we all know each other, us endanger species. They asked me to keep an eye on you." Now he was smiling. " I am so relieved I don;t have to keep that secret any more."

I signed, what are you going to do. So I cuddled int his armpit/ Hey he always smells good.

"Hey, Eric, can you watch Freedom I need to use the pay phone.".

He nodded and got up routed around in my coat for some dimes. I took out my little purple book. Looked up the number and dialed.

"Hey, is my Mot... Is Bobbie there?"

It was only 10pm over there but the guy on the phone acted like it was 1 am.

"Hi, Bobbie, it's me Danni. "

"How are you? How is the baby?"

I looked around the ER. "Fine, we are fine. What I really called you for was to know if you kept up with Luke?"

"Luke who, honey?"

"Luke they guy who took me fishing when I was little. The guy who held me at Woodstock when you came back. You know they guy you loved."

"Oh. Him. I haven't thought about him in years. Until recently. You are the second person who brought him up in a month's time. Why do you want to know about him?"

"I thought I saw him tonight."

"I don't think so dear."

"What make you so sure."

"He's dead. He died about 2 years after you left."

"Are you sure?" I was shocked.

"I did go to his funeral. We all did."

"I didn't, why didn't I? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think you would remember him."

"Well I did."

"I'm sorry, if I knew he meant so much. But that is a long time ago."


I hear Freedom's name called.

" I have to go."

"Wait, some guy a few years older than you is looking for you, I sent him your way."

They call her name again.

"I really got to go, bye."

I hung up the phone.

Eric went with Freedom and me into the ER. All those questions. He answered most of them. He explained that I was a victom of domestic violence. That I finally got the strength to end it when Miles drugged my baby. that I had asked Eric and the boys for back up. That I was NEVER going to let the abuser back near the baby or me again. I just kept nodding and sobbing. The nurse was convinced. They gave Freedom some test, for alcohol poisoning and such. They wanted to make sure she didn't; get too much into her system. It seems she barley had any in her. The nurse believes she must have thrown up most of whatever she drank. Thank God.

They checked out me. Bruises were starting to show on my torso from being pushed and shaved, they were convinced solidly of Eric's story. He contently left out the 16 year old part and the club singer.

"Nurse Nancy, Danni here is a young mother who trusted the wrong guy. He threatened to take the baby if she brought her here. You can see that she cared more about her baby than the idea she would be taken away. If this is reported she might find that threat a reality. Is there anything we can do?" He winked at her.

"She's fine. I can see she is a good mother. I see so many babies brought here by grandmothers and police." She looked at me now, " I hope you learned your leson and are more careful who you let around your baby and you."

"Yes. Mame."

She slipped pieces of paper from Freedoms and mine file to Eric.

"You better leave now, Quickly." She said over her glasses. "And keep up with the water and breast milk, she should be fine.

We exited stage right, right quick.

As soon as we were out of there I said. "That was sure lucky to get an understanding nurse."

"You make your own luck. And it helps if you stack the deck." Eric said.

"What do you mean?"

"I told you we all know each other. She's one of the endangered." He smiled.

He walked me home and helped me clean the sheets of the beds. We found where Freedom threw up the beer. He stayed with me that night. HE slept in my bed. I never felt so safe with a man in my bed. And he smelt damn good.