Ugly p18

Intoxication.

When has the serge of chemicals to the brain not been described as that.

I get it now. What all those hippies were looking for, trying to recreate, over and over again.

I get it now.

I woke up early. Could think of nothing else but after school. I grabbed a piece of toast as I left the house. You know I think it is time to shed these extra pounds that have creeped on as I was walking in that valley of darkness.

I don't even remember how I got to school that day. The day moves like a dream. One event unconnected to another event. Scenes from a movie. I only remember all the scenes that I saw him in the hall or at lunch. I would smile at him and for the most part he would ignore me. But I understood. He didn't want anyone to tease me if they figured it out. As it was the kids he was talking to would laugh a bit at me when I smiled at him. If only they knew. I was secretly closer to him then they were.

And in between, all those classes, I have no clue what the teachers were droning on about. I would pick a wall an run the movie in my mind, the movie of yesterday at his place. The movie was perfect length and ended at the kiss as the bell rang every time.

Finally, time did pass. It seemed like forever, even if i don't remember much of it. I went home.

"How was school, Danni?" I heard as I walked in.

"Fine."

"Do your homework."

"Did it already, on the bus."

"Really?"

"Do you want to see it, Granny?"

"No. I believe you, if you didn't do it your grades would be worse."

"That's right, I get A's, so leave me alone about it."

"If I didn't care I wouldn't ask, child."

I quickly took a shower, put on new clothes, tried to put on my dress, but it would not fit any way I tried to suck it in. Oh well, overalls it is. I grabbed my guitar and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Out. I thought I would go play by the old tree by the old shack, I miss Moses. Anything wrong with that?"

"No, dear, I am happy you are playing again. Don't be too late."

With that, I left. I hit the ground running. I ran until I got out of breath. That happened way too soon. When I loose the weight, it will take me less tome to get over to his farm, I thought to myself and kept walking. Occasionally when I caught my breath I would run again until I needed to walk again.

The farm was like it was yesterday, very little sounds coming from it. I knocked on the door.

Today , after a minute it opened. Miles stood there with a smile.

"Hey, great you brought your guitar!"

"Yeah."

"Come on in. I made the lemonade I promised you."

I went into the parlor. I sat on the couch. He brought out the picture of lemonade with 2 glasses and poured us both one. I got my guitar out.

"Do you have any requests?"

He laughed. "Yeah there is a lot of music I miss, but I doubt you have heard it. You might have been in the real world for the first few years of your life, but since then, music has moved on. And you are trapped in country and western land."

He looked at my face. My smile was gone. "It's not your fault, it is just I miss the music from back East."

I started playing three cords. Only three cords were used in any of their songs.

~~~~~~

Well I don't care about history
Rock, rock, rock'n'roll high school
'Cause that's not where I wanna be
Rock, rock, rock'n'roll high school
I just wanna have some kicks
I just wanna get some chicks
Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock'n'roll high school

Well the girls out there knock me out, you know
Rock, rock, rock'n'roll high school
Cruisin' around in my GTO
Rock, rock, rock'n'roll high school
I hate the teachers and the principal
Don't wanna be taught to be no fool
Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock'n'roll high school

Fun fun rock'n'roll high school
Fun fun rock'n'roll high school
Fun fun rock'n'roll high school
Fun fun, oh baby


~~~~~~~~~~


Oh, you know I sang it with attitude.

Now it was his turn to look shocked.

"How do you know the Ramones?"

"I may live in Kentucky, but I do have a shortwave radio. I have been listening to all sorts of music from all over the world. I know time has moved on in pop music , new styles of music, glam, new wave, punk, but I still like the blues."

I started tapping my foot.




I started playing Back Door Man. When I was done he looked sheepish.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made assumptions about you. You are different."

"Yup."

"I love the Doors. Great rendition."

Now I laughed. "Jim loved the Blues too. That was written by Willie Dixon for Hollin' Wolf a little bit before the Doors sang it. You don't know the Blues that much, do you? Not your fault. You grew up in the North East, not much blues up there until it leaked into rock and roll." I smiled at the jab I sent back at him.

He laughed. "I deserve that. Play more Blues lady, educate me."

And so I did. I played on and on.

Time seemed to flow so I didn't notice. The sun had set. It only came to me when he quickly came to my face and stopped. He put his hand behind my head and kissed me. I didn't know what to think as he tried to stick his tongue into my mouth.

"Haven't you ever french kissed? Or don't they do that around here?"

I didn't want to seem ignorant. It just seemed so unsanitary at the time. I remember the hippies kissing with open mouths. My grand parents didn't , for sure.


"You just took me by surprise. I get into my music, I don't notice anything else."

He smiled. I think he knew I was lying.

He reached over and kissed me again. This time I pretended I was not grossed out and that I knew what I was doing.

He took my guitar and placed it on the chair in the corner. He came back to the sofa and started kissing me French style again. I concentrated hard on not grossing out and where to put my tongue. He made noises like he was enjoying it. Occasionally say "Yeah , baby."

I was concentrating so hard I didn't realize his hand was on my breast until it was under my bra.

I sat up and looked at it there.

Then I looked at him.

He was looking at my uncovered breast he had managed to get out, peeking from the unhooked overall bib.

"AH HUM" I said.

He looked at my face. Smiling a devilish smile. "You are so beautiful , baby, I just want to look. I wont hurt them. I know they can be sensitive."

He proceeded to feel it up, with hands and mouth. Not the most unpleasant of sensations. I did feel things might be going too far.

He placed it back into the bra, pulled down my shirt, rehooked the bib, all while smiling. "See, didn't hurt. Sometimes those girls need to breath, get some air. Be kissed so they don't get jealous of your mouth."

"It's dark, I better go." I said walking to my guitar,

" Come back on Saturday? My mother is going away again. I will make you lunch. I want to hear you play again, Blues Lady. Remember don't talk about this, you know how people can get jealous. I know how you girls can talk. I don't want you to get teased by jealous girls. O.k., baby?" He said with the sweetest smile.

"Alright." I said as I left out the door and ran back to my house.

The whole way home I felt dirty and alive at the same time. I wasn't suppose to like it. The women at the commune liked it. I wasn't sure I was going back on Saturday. Yes and No sat in the air before me, the whole way home. They went back and forth. Up and down. finally around and around.

I avoided him in school the next few days. Yes and No still playing their game of tag in my head.

I sang on the porch every night. I didn't eat. Had no need. No hunger for food.

Friday nigh I went to bed, Yes and No wouldn't let me rest. If only someone would just tell me what to do other than the boy who keeps saying yes.