Ugly p 10

After the desert came the plains.

I would see the odd prairie dog come out of it's hole. I saw a big bird come down and pick up a rabbit.

It was so flat. At one place in the distance we saw a tornado. It was scary. It was awesome to watch at the same time. The air was electric and I felt like I wanted to run away in 15 different directions at the same time. I think this is some sense that God gave man to tell us to run away, something really bad is coming. It was the first of many times I would feel that feeling. I hated it. I wanted to get away as soon as possible.

So freaked out I was by this feeling that my mother suggested they feed me some marijuana brownies to calm me down. My oldest father nixed that idea real quick when others thought it might be a good idea. He took me up front and held me and told me it would be o.k., this feeling would pass. He was right. It did. But not for hours.

I decided I didn't want to live there.

Going across country like I did made me realize would I did and didn't like as far as terrain. Which I could not deal with, tornadoes, what I could, deserts with nice people.

In the plain states I got to sleep up top and watch the stars. Every night a different mother or father brought me up top for stories of the stars and heavens. Stories of the places we were at.

Occasionally we stopped at friends or relatives of the people on the bus. There were parks and truck stops where we parked for the night, they had running water and flushable toilets.

We crossed the Mississippi and headed back into the mountains.

We came to the state my mother came from, Kentucky. My oldest father thought it would be good to see where she came from, maybe introduce me to my mother's family. My mother thought it was a bad idea. We drove through farmland. I enjoyed seeing the horses and the fields of crops that goes on and on. I saw mountains being taken down slowly by man. On of my mothers explained that man does that to have coal, stones the mountains were made of. So to get the rocks man destroys the mountain. Sometimes the dig tunnels far and deep in the mountain. Many a man was killed this way. I asked them why go into the mountain at all. She could not give me an answer. None of them could that made any sense to me.

People that saw our colourful bus would react differently. Some of the older people would turn away with sour looks on their faces, even after I waved to them. Some of the people screamed "Damned hippies" when I waved. Others screamed other nasty things. Young people, kids like me they waived back or gave us the peace sign.

We stopped to get food.

It was a nice little diner, it looked very inviting. There were booths and seats by the counter. People drinking coffee having breakfast. Having nice conversation, having arguments, some older couples reading the papers, together but in their own worlds.

We walked in, my oldest father carrying me. I wanted to sit at the counter on the swivel chairs, but oldest father said no and brought us to the booths. The people in the diner stopped what they were doing and looked at us, even the people reading their papers. There was a lot of muttering. As we sat down. I overheard an older woman talking to her husband. "It's a sin against god. That child. It shows the sins of the fathers on it's face. Don't even know if it's a boy or a girl."

The husband responded, "Don't look at them, they are just dirty hippies. That child they bring into the world shows their shame. Poor ugly thing."

I didn't like them right off. They called me ugly. My mother over heard this about the same time the cook had come out and said he didn't cook for our kind, kid or not.

My mother got up. Picked me up, and said "Let's get out of here, Luke." At the same time my oldest father was trying to argue the point with both the cook and my mother as she started to walk out the door with me. "It's not worth it, Luke."

Normally my mother stays and helps my oldest father argue the point, even pointing out that the people are denying a child food. Not today. Today she just picked me up and walked out the door. I wondered if it had anything to do with that older couple who called me a sin, the mark of their sin and ugly. She had no problem saying that to me herself I didn't know why it would bother her if someone else said it.

The rest followed, slowly at first , then the rest of the group. My oldest father, Luke, the last to leave. As he was leaving he heard the same older woman say to her husband. "I think that girl with the child looked like Bobbie Sue."

Oldest father turned to look at the couple when she said that. He stared for a while, until the man got up and started screaming in his face about Charlie Manson.

"Whoa dude, You can't pin the actions of a violent nut job on a bunch of peaceful people. I don't think all farmers are ignorant close minded rubes, my mind is open enough to understand that all people can not be judged by their clothes or jobs or where they live or how they live. Make love not war, man. Relax, it will make the journey easier."

The older man just kept screaming as my oldest father just walked away and on to the bus.

"Luke, let's got to my family's farm now!" My mother said as soon as my oldest father got on the bus.

"What's your rush, Rainbow Dove, don;t you want to wait an hour or so first? " He said with a sly smile.

"Why wait? cease the day and all that crap. Sooner I am there, sooner we leave."

"Alright... next stop the Miller Farm."

And with that the bus rolled down the road to the place my mother was raised.

The man was still screaming at oldest father as the bus started going away.

It wasn't long before we got to the farm. An old white farm house with a big porch that went all around the front and sides. The porch had two big swings on either side of front. There was a big old tree near the house with two tire swings, one on each side. There was a barn and horses. I wanted to play with the horses. I wanted to play on the swings. I couldn't wait to get out of the bus.

My mother got off the bus quick. She asked the others to stay in the bus while she talked with her family.

Oldest father took me up top to look at the horses and anyone who might come out. I saw some people come out from the barn to see who was there. I waived at them. Some waived back. A younger woman came out of the house and my mother hugged her. They were both screaming and jumping while they were hugging. I waived at the young woman. She waived back. Some of the young men from the barn started running toward the house when the women started screaming. They joined in on the hug fest.

I waived at them, too. They waived back, as well.

What she was saying to them I do not know. None of us did. They were too far away. I kept waiting for her to bring them over to me, or for her to have oldest father bring me to them. But neither of them happened. My mother disappeared in the house than came out with a bag. She hugged them all and came to the bus. Oldest father brought me down to meet my mother.

"Rainbow Dove, aren't you going to take Emma in to see your family?" he asked as I was beaming all ready to meet them.

My mother looked down at me. "No time, little one, it's time to go." She said as she handed the bag to oldest father.

He turned and put the bag down quickly.

My mother closed the door of the bus and told oldest father it was time to drive the bus.

"No." he said as he opened the door. "What is going on with you? Don't you want your daughter to meet her family? I know your parents aren't home."

"Not yet. They will soon." She looked at him with eyes that told him it was not a place to be.

He wasn't sure if she was ashamed of me and neither was I. He stepped off the bus.

"Luke, don't" she pleaded one last time as she was quickly sitting into the driver's seat big mother grabbed me and held on tight as the bus started and veered forward.

"Crazy, Bitch!" I could hear oldest father say as he started to run for the bus. He ran quick and caught on to the bar. My mother slowed a little to make sure he could catch it, but not enough that he didn't have to work for it. He sat on the step of the bus huffing and puffing.

I guess she had the right. It was her family. He had no say there. No-one ever really intervened in other people's relations with their family "back home". They gave support when people were sad over them or angry about them, but they didn't really interfere.

"Luke, my sister gave me three loves of bread, also peanut butter, jelly, cheese and ham. There is also a bottle of milk in there. Can you make the little one a sandwich an some milk." She said with a smile.

Oldest father humphed a little "Thanks for getting the food."

"The bread is fresh. My sister baked it this morning. The milk is from the cow. It should tide us over until we can find some place that will service us in another state." Mother smiled as she drove the bus.

"I didn't know you knew how to drive a bus." Big mother said trying to brake the tension.

"You learn to drive all sorts of things on the farm. I figured it couldn't be that different then all of those other things I drove."

We didn't stop again until we were out of Kentucky. That night I wondered, was she ashamed of me. Did all people here think I was a sin against God. I only heard two people say it. Both from the same place. Maybe in Kentucky they don't realize that I was a blessing. Maybe there are no Indians there that can tell them that my wings are my freedom. That my name is Butterfly. Maybe mother was right to get us out of that state.

In hind sight, I know she was.